Growing up, my hair texture, skin color, and eye color was the subject of much conversation. My lighter complexion, finer hair texture, longer hair length, and lighter eyes always made me less Black in the eyes of many in my community (despite my broad, African nose and hips). Still, I am often asked "Are those your real eyes?", "Is that your real hair?", or "Are you mixed?" Honestly, the latter of the three questions always bothered me most. Yes, I have Irish, Cherokee, African, and Apache heritage, but I consider myself African-American by all standards (I mean, come on...I haven't seen hips and a butt like mine out of Ireland). Truth be told, I always felt like those questions proved how ignorant people are. You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who isn't "mixed" these days...especially given the history of our people and this country.
Besides my complexion, hair, and eye-color, the way I speak has kept people buzzing. When I worked the drive-thru window at a fast food restaurant, I took a young Mexican-American lady's order through the intercom. When she drove around to the window, she yelled "Damn, girl! I thought you were a White girl!" I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard "you sound White" or "you talk like a White girl". This came from people of varying ethnicities, but more frequently left the mouths of my fellow Black brothers and sisters. Yes, I speak like I am educated. Yes, I enunciate when I talk. Yes, I use proper grammar when conversing with others in public settings. Since when did we decide that speaking properly was a White trait? Because I
spoke a certain way, I had been labeled an "oreo" since the fifth grade...Black on the outside, but White on the inside.
Let me tell you something you likely don't know about me. By the time I got to college, I decided I was tired of my ethnicity being called in the question. I didn't want to be seen as the privileged "house nigger". So...what did I do? I started tanning. Yes, I got funny looks the first time I stepped into the tanning salon for a membership. Honestly, it sounded a bit foolish to me too, but I felt that if I was darker I would earn my "Black card" back. I tanned quite regularly for three months. My tan was beautiful, but the satisfaction soon wore away. I knew that I couldn't change my hair or eyes...and I most certainly was not going to lower my standards for communication. I had to be proud of who I was despite what I felt was negativity. I had to proudly flaunt the beautifully mixed genes that were passed down to me. I had to speak eloquently to those who didn't have anything positive to say. I had to be who God made me to be...ME!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Live and Learn and Pass It On
This post is more of an interactive piece than a ranting space. While waiting to be seen by the doctor, I sat on the couch and looked for something to read. I picked a book titled Live and Learn and Pass It On Volume II by H. Jackson Brown. It was full of quotes about things people have learned over the years...written by people of all ages. I thought it would be interesting to read what people have learned, so here's your task. Post lessons you have learned throughout the years using the sentence stem "I've learned...". I'll start.
"I've learned there's no peace like the peace I've found in God."
"I've learned that there's more to life than Jordans, drugs, and alcohol."
"I've learned that one person's stupid and senseless decisions can leave a sister without a brother, a mother and father without a son, and a son without a father."
-Andrea, 27
What have you learned over the years? Please include your age. Post and Share.
"I've learned there's no peace like the peace I've found in God."
"I've learned that there's more to life than Jordans, drugs, and alcohol."
"I've learned that one person's stupid and senseless decisions can leave a sister without a brother, a mother and father without a son, and a son without a father."
-Andrea, 27
What have you learned over the years? Please include your age. Post and Share.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Single Black Women & The Church
http://survivingdating.com/black-churches-how-black-churches-keep-african-american-women-single-and-alone
This post is in regards to something I recently read on another website. In the above article (hopefully you have read it prior to reading this post), the author discusses why the single black woman should separate herself from the church and focus on herself and her children and spend less time focusing on this idea of the God-fearing, black man that we will meet at church and possibly marry.
Many men and church-goers alike raise strong opinions toward this author and her opinions, however; I must admit that I agree with her on some of her statements...so here goes.
Because of our history of bondage, slavery, and discrimination, religion has often played a significant role in our lives as African Americans. Many of the civil rights leaders were preachers/pastors and the movement started within the church walls. We may have heard from our mothers that our grandmothers prayed for us and so forth. This has kept us (African American women) in church, learning to depend on and follow Christian principles. The author doesn't ask us to abandon our values, but to be more open minded and not depend solely on the teachings of the church leaders who may have alternative agendas. I think this is a good place to insert my own experience. I was active in church and spent more time there than at my own home. I hung onto every word that the pastor spoke on Sunday morning. Well, the man that I listened to Sunday in and Sunday out (who may I add is married), asked me out on a date...hmmmm. Not only did I feel victimized, but I felt that he,along with others who you hear about in the news, stand and teach these crowded pews of single women to not commit adultery and fornication, but then you are the one to make such a pass at me? So when this author says to focus on ourselves and our children I think she has a valid point.
The black male has continued to destroy/degrade/dismiss the black woman, so she can no longer just focus on marriage and being someone's "helpmeet"; she now has to focus on becoming a better person within herself. If you do not believe me, here are some examples: Lil Wayne recently compared a woman's private area to the face of Emmitt Till and continues to use degrading language to describe women; 70 % or more of Black children are born to single women; Steve Harvey made a book telling women how they should act although he has been divorced and has children with more than one lady and as much as I admire Dr.Martin Luther King, Jr., there were reports of infidelity in his marriage. How then can we put our hopes and dreams and livelihood into our black men when they have shown a history of not supporting us?
So yes, I agree that the single,black woman must take control of her own destiny (although keeping to her spiritual beliefs) and understand that what our ministers and deacons teach (although they may not be living it) may not be completely applicable due to a few reasons: 1) we now have a generation of "men" that are not raised by men, but single mothers, and have no idea how to be a man 2) even if we marry, the divorce rates are at 50% so there is a likelihood that we may be single/single-parents during our lifetime and 3) men have realized that one of their biggest playgrounds for single,successful women is the church and they come not to pray, but to prey.
I am not asking women to discontinue going to church or trusting in their leadership, but I am asking that we take a look at ourselves and our beliefs and see how they align with what we and/or our Higher Power would want for our life.
This post is in regards to something I recently read on another website. In the above article (hopefully you have read it prior to reading this post), the author discusses why the single black woman should separate herself from the church and focus on herself and her children and spend less time focusing on this idea of the God-fearing, black man that we will meet at church and possibly marry.
Many men and church-goers alike raise strong opinions toward this author and her opinions, however; I must admit that I agree with her on some of her statements...so here goes.
Because of our history of bondage, slavery, and discrimination, religion has often played a significant role in our lives as African Americans. Many of the civil rights leaders were preachers/pastors and the movement started within the church walls. We may have heard from our mothers that our grandmothers prayed for us and so forth. This has kept us (African American women) in church, learning to depend on and follow Christian principles. The author doesn't ask us to abandon our values, but to be more open minded and not depend solely on the teachings of the church leaders who may have alternative agendas. I think this is a good place to insert my own experience. I was active in church and spent more time there than at my own home. I hung onto every word that the pastor spoke on Sunday morning. Well, the man that I listened to Sunday in and Sunday out (who may I add is married), asked me out on a date...hmmmm. Not only did I feel victimized, but I felt that he,along with others who you hear about in the news, stand and teach these crowded pews of single women to not commit adultery and fornication, but then you are the one to make such a pass at me? So when this author says to focus on ourselves and our children I think she has a valid point.
The black male has continued to destroy/degrade/dismiss the black woman, so she can no longer just focus on marriage and being someone's "helpmeet"; she now has to focus on becoming a better person within herself. If you do not believe me, here are some examples: Lil Wayne recently compared a woman's private area to the face of Emmitt Till and continues to use degrading language to describe women; 70 % or more of Black children are born to single women; Steve Harvey made a book telling women how they should act although he has been divorced and has children with more than one lady and as much as I admire Dr.Martin Luther King, Jr., there were reports of infidelity in his marriage. How then can we put our hopes and dreams and livelihood into our black men when they have shown a history of not supporting us?
So yes, I agree that the single,black woman must take control of her own destiny (although keeping to her spiritual beliefs) and understand that what our ministers and deacons teach (although they may not be living it) may not be completely applicable due to a few reasons: 1) we now have a generation of "men" that are not raised by men, but single mothers, and have no idea how to be a man 2) even if we marry, the divorce rates are at 50% so there is a likelihood that we may be single/single-parents during our lifetime and 3) men have realized that one of their biggest playgrounds for single,successful women is the church and they come not to pray, but to prey.
I am not asking women to discontinue going to church or trusting in their leadership, but I am asking that we take a look at ourselves and our beliefs and see how they align with what we and/or our Higher Power would want for our life.
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