Single Black Women & The Church

http://survivingdating.com/black-churches-how-black-churches-keep-african-american-women-single-and-alone

This post is in regards to something I recently read on another website. In the above article (hopefully you have read it prior to reading this post), the author discusses why the single black woman should separate herself from the church and focus on herself and her children and spend less time focusing on this idea of the God-fearing, black man that we will meet at church and possibly marry.

Many men and church-goers alike raise strong opinions toward this author and her opinions, however; I must admit that I agree with her on some of her statements...so here goes.

Because of our history of bondage, slavery, and discrimination, religion has often played a significant role in our lives as African Americans. Many of the civil rights leaders were preachers/pastors and the movement started within the church walls. We may have heard from our mothers that our grandmothers prayed for us and so forth. This has kept us (African American women) in church, learning to depend on and follow Christian principles. The author doesn't ask us to abandon our values, but to be more open minded and not depend solely on the teachings of the church leaders who may have alternative agendas. I think this is a good place to insert my own experience. I was active in church and spent more time there than at my own home. I hung onto every word that the pastor spoke on Sunday morning. Well, the man that I listened to Sunday in and Sunday out (who may I add is married), asked me out on a date...hmmmm. Not only did I feel victimized, but I felt that he,along with others who you hear about in the news, stand and teach these crowded pews of single women to not commit adultery and fornication, but then you are the one to make such a pass at me? So when this author says to focus on ourselves and our children I think she has a valid point.

The black male has continued to destroy/degrade/dismiss the black woman, so she can no longer just focus on marriage and being someone's "helpmeet"; she now has to focus on becoming a better person within herself. If you do not believe me, here are some examples: Lil Wayne recently compared a woman's private area to the face of Emmitt Till and continues to use degrading language to describe women; 70 % or more of Black children are  born to single women; Steve Harvey made a book telling women how they should act although he has been divorced and has children with more than one lady and as much as I admire Dr.Martin Luther King, Jr., there were reports of infidelity in his marriage. How then can we put our hopes and dreams and livelihood into our black men when they have shown a history of not supporting us?

So yes, I agree that the single,black woman must take control of her own destiny (although keeping to her spiritual beliefs) and understand that what our ministers and deacons teach (although they may not be living it) may not be completely applicable due to a few reasons: 1) we now have a generation of "men" that are not raised by men, but single mothers, and have no idea how to be a man 2) even if we marry, the divorce rates are at 50% so there is a likelihood that we may be single/single-parents during our lifetime and 3) men have realized that one of their biggest playgrounds for single,successful women is the church and they come not to pray, but to prey.

I am not asking women to discontinue going to church or trusting in their leadership, but I am asking that we take a look at ourselves and our beliefs and see how they align with what we and/or our Higher Power would want for our life.